Are unicorns real?
That might just be the stupidest question I've ever heard. UNICORNS ARE 100% REAL! They just don’t exist in this dimension. They also can’t exist in this dimension. That’s why so many people think they aren't real. They have no way of seeing them unless they can travel between dimensions.
Which Came First? The Horse Or The Unicorn?
Long ago, years upon years ahead of the creation of man, there grew a tear in the fabric of the universe. Beasts from the magical dimension unicorns originated from fell through this tear. When the unicorns arrived, their horns instantly fell off and disintegrated. That night their bodies changed, transforming into something the universe had never seen before. Their organs rearranged themselves and their manes changed color. When the unicorns awoke, they were a new species, a species we now call the horse. So next time someone says a unicorn is a horse with a horn, correct them. A horse is unicorn without a horn.
What is the difference between unicorns and pegasi?
Contrary to popular belief, unicorns and pegasi are two very different things. A pegasus has wings, allowing it to soar through the sky. A unicorn does not have this wonderful ability. Also, though it may be hard to believe, pegasi do not have a horn like unicorns. That is merely the most obvious and important difference between the two. Although, there is such thing as a pegacorn. They are a mixed breed of the two species that has both wings AND a horn.
Why isn't it called a Unihorn?
The first unicorn researcher was a man named Harrison Dallington. He was a world renowned sorcerer known for his spell allowing humans to travel to different dimensions. One day he was strolling around a magical dimension unknown to the likes of man when he wandered upon the magnificent creatures we now call unicorns. He saw these creatures and immediately exclaimed, “They’re horses with corns!” He then laughed at his small slip up. He said corn when he had meant horn! After this he chose to name these majestic creatures unicorns for their singular “corn.”
Is there a unicorn leader?
Well, duh. The leader is the unicorn with the longest horn, therefore being the wisest. Sometimes, when a unicorn wants to be the leader, they kill off the wiser unicorns, because unicorns can be violent beasts when they want to be. Usually, they stab the victim in the head for that is where a unicorn's heart is.
Where do unicorns live?
Unicorns live in a separate, nameless dimension, that is often referred to as the “dimension of magic.” Furthermore, they live in the galaxy Fromfert, in the solar system Niet, on the cubular planet Glozan, on the three faces of the planet that have no sort of president or king/queen. The capital of the unicorns homeland (they have since spread out quite a bit) is a hill called Magnus on the center of the "top" face of said cubular planet. This is where the leader of the unicorns lives.
What is the difference between a male and a female unicorn?
Male unicorns are much more elegant. When they trot, they prance. They know exactly how to flip their hair. They are brave and strong. Female unicorns have long hair, long eyelashes, and are much skinnier than any male unicorn. The only major difference between the genders of unicorns is that only the female unicorns can get pregnant.
What colors can unicorns be?
Unicorn fur can come in three solid colors: red-brown, black, and white. Although, unicorn manes can come in many different shades of a large variety of colors. These colors include: black, white, red, blonde, orange, green, blue, purple, pink, (legit) gold, (legit) silver, and rainbow. To many people’s surprise, unicorn manes can not come in multiple colors unless it is a full rainbow. I know. Shocking, right? A unicorn’s horn can come in white, rainbow, or legitimate, metallic, shiny gold or silver.
Do Unicorns Actually Fart Rainbows?
Of course they do! There is no reason for that to be a myth. Unicorns fart rainbows, poop gold, and cry diamonds. These are the reasons unicorns are so valuable and must transform when they reach our dimension, the dimension of greed. Although, unicorns don’t burp, sneeze, pee, or cough.
What are the different types of unicorns?
There is only one type of unicorn, silly, and that’s plain old everyday UNICORN.
Do unicorns have magic?
No. Unicorns have no magic. None at all. Get over it. Although, they are still classified as magical creatures due to their illogical bodily functions (that being the afore mentioned rainbow farts and such).
Can you turn into a unicorn?
OF COURSE YOU CAN!!!! CAN’T!!!! There is no way to turn into a unicorn. What sort of ridiculous question is that?
How do unicorns reproduce?
Unicorns reproduce both sexually and asexually in a matter of speaking. Female unicorns just swallow a piece hair belonging to any other magical creature. BUT let’s stick to unicorns! They will swallow a piece of hair belonging to either a male or a female unicorn or even their own. The longer the hair the more unique the offspring. The thing is, when a female unicorn has a child that’s parent(s) is/are female, meaning it only has female parents, there is only a 1% chance of the offspring being a male unicorn. That is partially why unicorns will mate with other unicorns. The want for male offspring derives from the male unicorns’ appearance. The male unicorn looks strong and brave, so they are less likely to be attacked than a female unicorn, therefore protecting the herd. ANYWAYS! The female unicorn will then become pregnant and after three months (three Earth months, that is. It’s a year in Glozan time) will give birth out through her mouth to a new unicalf.
Has there ever been a unicorn civil war?
At the dawn of time, when unicorns first came into the world, two separate tribes of unicorns were formed. The lady unicorn tribe and the male unicorn tribe. The two genders were separated for decades until some of the male unicorns began to die off. They had no children and therefore would eventually become extinct (though they would likely become un-extinct due to the 1% chance thing). The lady unicorns, however, were a happily growing population. They swallowed their hair and became pregnant with the next generation. Because only 1% of their offspring were male and had to leave for the male tribe, the male unicorns were not satisfied by the one or so child they received every year. The two tribes went to war. The female unicorns argued that they could never give up a female child and the male unicorns argued that male unicorns were a dying breed. Although it was true male unicorns never needed to exist, it could never hurt to have courage and strength around. For ten years the battle went on, until there was only five male unicorns left when there were originally approximately 100. The female unicorns saw the errors of their ways. How could they kill their own kind? The leader of each tribe met for a meeting to discuss an agreement. The female unicorn leader still refused to give up any female children. The male unicorns suggested they reproduce more, but that was also not an option. After weeks of debating they came to an agreement. They decided the two tribes would come together as one. From that day on, they were no longer separate tribes, but instead a united species. The unicorns have been at peace with each other since.
Ummmmmm.....
I was recently asked about unicorn private parts. In all honestly, unicorns only actually have their butt. I could word that better, but why even try? That’s right! Unicorns are so unique that they don’t have any parts to pee with. This is for one reason: THEY DO NOT PEE. Unicorns don’t pee because there is no way to make peeing enchanting, majestic, or magical. Pee is just all around GROSS. Also, their form of reproduction requires no private parts, further eliminating any necessity for such things.
What are young unicorns like?
Unicalfs are young unicorns. They are born without a horn, but their heart’s in the right place. Literally. Their horn slowly grows as they learn what it means to be a unicorn. It grows the tiniest bit every time they learn something new that is important for them to know as a unicorn. For example: avoid pixies. They. Are. Jerks.
So, dragons?
Dragons are assholes. They’re always swooping down to kidnap unicorns and eat them. They consider unicorns to be a delicacy. The less developed the horn is, the better. This is because dragons prefer to eat unicorns that know less and therefore will never get to be enlightened and will never be able to live a full life.
What do unicorns eat?
Have I seriously not mentioned this yet?!?!?! They eat pixies, berries, cotton candy leaves, giant droppings (as in droppings of giants, not droppings that are giant), flying gila monsters (don’t forget flying gila monsters), chocolate air, glitter, cotton balls, pink bunny eggs (the bunnies are pink, not the eggs), gnome beards, and dragon scales. Dragon scales are a delicacy. Especially blue ones.
Are there any unicorns diseases?
Yes. When a unicorn eats an excessive amount of glitter, they can have a glitter overdose. This can cause diseases such as glimmer-furosis and anti-metallic-hornanomia. This can result in a longer lifespan of up to 200 Earth years. I know living longer sounds good, but it’s truly terrible with such an embarrassing condition ruining one’s good looks. Overexposure to dragon fire can cause skin prancer. This can result in sudden, unexpected death.
Do unicorns date?
Yes. To ask out a fellow unicorn (male or female, 1. unicorns don't care about traditional human gender roles and 2. all unicorns are pansexual) one unicorn will bow to the other and poke their horn into the ground. To accept, the other will help them un-stick their horn from the ground. If it is not accepted, the asker will likely die because no other unicorn is allowed to help him/her under unicorn law. This rule can be broken, but is punishable by a strict, forced diet of glitter for three days. Essentially, making the punishment either glimmer-furosis or anti-metallic-hornanomia. After this agreement, the unicorns will go on three dates (even if they don’t want to go out again). These three dates allow the unicorns to decide whether they wish to be life-long mating partners. This is a LONG time because unicorns have a lifespan of 1000 Earth years. This is 4000 years on their planet. If the two unicorns decide not to be life-long mating partners, their horns will turn purple for a Glozan year.This can prove to be problematic when continuing the search for a mate. Unicorns prefer to avoid “tainted” unicorns. These unicorns are considered tainted because they were given the opportunity to find true love and denied it, at least in the eyes of a unicorn. Another thing that can occur after separating after the three dates is the two will mate without deciding to be life-long mates. To keep from having a child, the two will eat every piece of the other’s hair instead of just a single strand. In these situations, the male unicorns will also eat hair. This proves as further embarrassment, shame, and tainted-ness as this is also a fairly noticeable thing which is frowned upon.
What is the relationship between unicorns and narwhals?
Unicorns that did not lose their horn after falling through the tear between our dimensions became narwhals. To hide from the scary, greedy humans, the unicorns would move to the sea. Over the years, these unicorns have adapted to their new environment and grown fins and become big and fat and so on.
How do you know all of this?
Dave.
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